* Long ago
* We were young
* We played games
* It was fun
* Wise men say all things go too fast *
* And babies don't last
* They grow up as soon as they get the chance *
* Let's face it
* A whole new way of behavin' *
* With brand-new rules to break *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Can you remember when gettin' up was easy? *
* No sweat
* And we could exist on wax and gum completely *
* The things we used to think were crazy *
* Now they seem so very sane *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Love hit us right between the eyes *
* It wasn't fair
* We never had a chance
* Sometimes you have to sit right back *
* And laugh
* It goes so fast
* As sure as there's a Sunday morning, baby *
* We're going to get our piece of the cake *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
Morning, Mr. Harper.
Morning, Jeff.
Hi, Ralph. Morning, sir.
Hello?
Security.
Dick...
Charlie.
I've been waiting for you.
How have you been?
Sit down. Pour yourself a drink.
Thanks, Charlie.
This business stinks, you know that?
Well...
It stinks.
It used to be
the most exciting business in the world,
and now it stinks on ice.
It's been a rough year.
It stinks.
I guess it does stink.
It stinks on ice.
All right, on ice.
You know,
it was a great feeling to be part of the team
that tied the lace on the shoe
that took that giant step for mankind.
You don't get that feeling from building a goddamn missile.
Now, what's all this crap?
It's my plan to re-organize my department.
One small step...
one giant step for mankind.
I wouldn't say that, but it's not a bad plan.
You know who made that step possible?
We did, you and me...
and Bob Kane, Frank Chapman.
We put Neil and what's-his-name on the bloody moon,
and then they gave us the shaft.
It stinks...
on ice.
What do you say we talk turkey?
Right, Charlie.
I was thinking more in terms
of cutting costs than personnel.
Gobble, gobble, gobble.
I was just talking turkey.
Dick...
I always thought
you were the kind of guy I didn't have to bullshit.
I'm glad to hear that.
Can I level with you?
Sure.
I mean, really level?
Charlie, you can tell me anything.
You're fired.
I must have fired 50 people today,
but that's the first time I did it like that.
The first time I ever said,
just, like, "You're fired".
Practice makes perfect.
No, I shouldn't have done that.
It's just that I'm sick of all the bullshit.
Wait a minute.
You're serious?
Would I kid a pal?
No jokes, Charlie. You're really firing me?
I don't have to tell you what a lousy year we've had.
I haven't done a bad job.
Oh, you've done a hell of a job,
and don't you let anybody tell you different.
Then why me?
My divisions out-performed everybody's.
Seniority. I think that's what it was.
I'm sure that's what it was.
Seniority. Yeah.
Do you mean
that when you compare the productivity
in my division...
Dick...
Do you mind if we don't go into all that crap right now?
Frankly, I'm... I'm a little bit looped,
and I've got blood on my hands...
a lot of blood.
Oh, Mr. Harper.
I'll have to get back to you.
I just want to say
I'm very sorry you're leaving us.
Well, thank you.
Did Mr. Blanchard tell you about the car?
What car?
The company car you've been using.
You may retain the use of it for two weeks.
Isn't that thoughtful?
But we must have your company credit cards now,
please.
Goodbye, Mr. Harper.
Jane?
Hey, what is this?
This is distressing.
Jane.
Jane...
Hey, sweetie. you're home early.
I've got to talk to you.
I've got to talk to you, Mr. Harper.
Listen,
the second payment's due on the pool.
I've been fired.
Billy, will you get your friend
out of the cement?
I've been fired.
Huh?
I've been fired!
Oh, baby.
What did you say?
He said he's tired.
Hey, Mr. Harper, you were canned today.
Yeah.
What sign are you? Huh?
Uh...
He's an Aquarius.
Oh, you poor bastard.
I knew it.
What a bummer.
Mars is in direct conjunction
with Saturn.
Ah, it's a tough time for us Aquarians.
You know that bill I gave you, for the pool,
the second payment?
I'll give you till next Wednesday.
Hmm.
Ah, Esperanza.
La cena is ready.
Thank you.
Gracias.
Mm.
I can't believe that Charlie fired you.
Charlie fired me.
Dirty rat.
After all the years of bottom-pinching
I took from him?
Does that mean we're going to be poor
like the Waltons?
No, Billy, it doesn't.
What are we going to do about the pool?
We'll get it finished first.
We won't heat it...
not until you get another job.
How are we going to swim if it's cold?
Billy is absolutely right.
What will the neighbors say
if they don't see any steam coming off our pool
on a chilly night?
I'm going to make some economies around here.
Billy, we're going to give up our ski lessons.
God!
No more French wines at home, sir.
Oh, God!
And I will drop the Book of the Month Club.
But what about my drum set?
Family,
everything's going to be all right.
There's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Take that stuff up there.
Hey you, in the truck. Watch those plants.
Watch those...
Stop it.
Hello, Mrs. Harper.
That goes next.
What in God's name
do you think you're doing?
You got our notice, Mrs. Harper?
Yes. I sent you a check.
Bouncy, bouncy.
That's naughty, Mrs. Harper.
Hey, hey, watch those plants.
Watch that stuff.
Get it up over there.
Look, I'll give you another check.
Two checks bounced already, Mrs. Harper.
Your mother may have carried you
for nine months,
but we'll only carry you for two.
Clear that bank off.
Look, just because the bank made a mistake,
there's no reason to come and dig up...
My tree!
Not yours. Ours.
We put this stuff in,
and now we're going to tear it out.
Watch it.
If you don't want to lose your shirt,
don't put it on the cuff.
You're using Gestapo tactics.
That's impossible. I'm Jewish.
Hey, hey, watch those plants over there.
Ah...
Now watch them roots.
That's right,
I'd like you to take all of these bushes out,
all of these trees, everything up there,
every rotten weed in this whole garden,
and this... come here for a second.
Would you please remove this tracheotomy
or whatever it's called?
This is not what we ordered,
and I told you so a month ago.
Oh. Can you believe this?
I told them, you plant what we want
or I'm going to make you take it all back.
What a ripoff.
That's right, roll up the lawn.
I don't like the lawn either.
Astroturf has more life than this stuff.
You will never work in this neighborhood again.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah.
Hey, Mom, you were terrific.
You think so, kid?
Mm-hm.
What do you want?
I want the plants inside.
Listen, you step one foot in this house,
I'm going to call the police.
I still want the plants.
Pretty grim, huh?
What are we going to tell Dad when he comes home?
Oh.
Are you going to tell me how bad things are,
or are you just going to wait
for the roof to fall in on my head?
Well, it really isn't as bad as it looks.
Nothing is as bad as this looks.
Dick, we don't have any income and we don't have any assets.
What do you mean
we don't have any assets?
Well, other than the sun in the morning
and the moon at night.
We've got this house.
We owe $77,000 on this house,
and if you were to die right now,
how would I pay it off?
It'd come out of the insurance.
We don't have any insurance.
You borrowed against it.
Oh, right, right. I forgot.
Look, this is ridiculous. I won't die tonight.
I don't know. The night is young.
It's comforting to know
that when things really get tough,
I'll have you standing behind me
with an ice pick in your hand.
You've been leading a secret life
for these last years.
I mean, what, for example,
what are Unsecured Municipal Debentures?
I don't know, I...
Look, I gambled a few things and lost.
You gambled. You lost.
What about me?
I gambled and lost,
and I didn't even get a chance to play.
I didn't even watch.
Excuse me, but I thought
that your interest in economics
was limited to the spending part.
I always thought of you
as a responsible aerospace executive.
Who would have known
you were the Typhoid Mary of High Finance?
If I'd consulted you,
there wouldn't have been a recession,
I wouldn't have lost my job.
If you think you can do better, take over.
It would be hard to do it any worse.
Go ahead, be my guest. It's all yours.
My very thought,
and my first act as Director of Family Economics
is to put you on an allowance.
On a what?
What kind of lunatic spends $1,000 on lunch
when he's out of a job and deeply in debt?
The kind that knows that you can't get a job
if you look like a loser.
If I was Diners Club,
I'd have your stomach bronzed and put in the Hall of Fame.
Your job for the moment...
get on the food stamp program, look for work in your field.
Excuse me.
Why don't I get a job-job, like a busboy or a waiter?
I mean, if we're not too proud to go on welfare...
We can't afford it.
Can't afford it?
You can earn more money on unemployment
than you could on any of those jobs.
My job is to get a job-job.
You're going to get a job?
Mm-hmm, yes. Incredible as it may seem.
May I ask... no offense, mind you...
What do you think you're qualified to do?
Secretary of the Treasury seems to be filled
at the moment.
There must be lots I can do.
Oh, come on, Jane.
You never worked a day in your life,
and you can't type and can't take shorthand.
I'm a college graduate,
reasonably intelligent, not altogether unattractive.
Yes, but will you be happy being a hooker?
Interesting that the only two jobs
you consider me qualified for
are secretary and hooker.
You're not qualified to be a secretary.
What an interview.
Oh, don't take it too hard, honey.
It's only the first time.
Take it too hard? I start on Monday.
Oh, that's wonderful.
The line ends after me, mister.
Oh, sorry.
That's a pretty nice suit, mister.
Thank you.
You've got some nerve coming in here
dressed like that.
People in here need this money.
This ain't no damn joyride.
Hey, you're Mr. Harper, aren't you?
Taft Aerospace?
Yeah.
I'm Raoul Esteban. Remember?
I was in the Taft Maintenance Division.
I used to do your office.
Oh, sure, Raoul.
How are you doing, man?
Hey, they canned you too, huh?
It's a little more complicated than that.
Is this your first time in here?
Damn right.
Man, are you in luck.
I'm going to take care of you.
Mi casa, su casa, you know what I mean?
Oh, sure.
First thing though. Look, you're in the wrong line.
I'm going to lose my place here, Raoul.
Information...
they make you wait in line two hours,
and all they do is tell you to fill out one of these.
I'm going to take care of you.
I'm going to have an operation in a month.
You know, the operation,
and my analyst said
I should start making the adjustment,
and, uh, well, that's why they fired me,
just for wearing a most demure gray maxi
with a matching cashmere twin set.
It's all here in the letter from my analyst.
Let me check this out.
Maybe we should pick another line.
What do you say?
Listen, man, it's no sweat.
They ain't going to hassle you.
Look what your card says,
"aerospace executive."
Yeah, but I'm not that anymore.
In here, man, you are what you were.
You're going to get 104 bucks a week.
All I get is 50.
You're top guy around here.
They ain't going to mess with a guy like you.
Well, why do I have to see the supervisor?
It's all so simple.
I'm sorry.
Oh, all right.
Shoot.
I've seen some fruits in my day,
but he really takes the cake, huh?
Not really.
Oh, come on.
That's the flamingest faggot I've ever seen.
In the first place, he's a transsexual,
not a fruit, not a fag, not even a homosexual.
He has the mind, soul, and desires
of a woman imprisoned in a man's body,
and now, what can I do for you, sir?
Uh...
Oh, God.
Good night.
Dick, do you resent it that I got a job?
Don't be silly.
Well, you shouldn't feel threatened, because...
Now look, Jane,
I don't resent you getting a job.
I'm thrilled you got a job.
I can tell by the way you're shouting.
I'm shouting
because I've got an interview at 9:00 in the morning
about food stamps and I'd like to get some sleep,
or maybe,
now that you've conquered the business world,
we don't need them.
Dick, I thought you were going today
to get food stamps.
Jane, you just don't get food stamps.
You just don't come in off the street
and say, "I'd like some food stamps,"
and then they give you some food stamps.
It happens to be
a very difficult and complicated process.
I'm sure you can handle it, sweetie.
I don't know.
You getting this job
might have screwed up our eligibility.
Oh, Spot, will you shut up?
It's all politics, man, all politics.
You don't have to worry about it.
Come on.
Ah...
Ah-ha!
Yeah, yeah, so?
So a guy comes to your house...
Wait a second. Wait a second.
A guy comes to my house?
He wants to see where you got to cook.
He wants to see if you're telling the truth
about how many people you've got living there.
All right, all right. A guy comes to my house...
First, you have to fill out the forms.
Tell him about the forms.
What about the forms?
Then you get the buy vouchers,
which you take to a place that sells, uh...
Are these guys putting me on?
You want to know how to get food stamps, right?
Yeah.
So we're trying to explain.
What do you think,
it's dinner for two at Trader Vics?
All right, all right,
so after the visits and after the forms,
how much do I get?
Excuse me. I'm going to explain.
Por favor.
Now you're going to put down
you got just one wife and one kid, right?
Yeah. Any of you guys have more than one wife?
Give him the one wife and kid.
One wife...
and one kid,
and you're getting your unemployment now, right?
How much do I get?
You get 108 bucks worth a month.
Imigracion!
Something I said?
Just a couple Immigration Police
coming in to check things out.
Oh.
Hey, Francisco, dos cervezas, por favor.
Okay, Pancho,
let's see your immigration card.
Huh?
Don't play games. Your card.
Hey, man, he's an aerospace executive.
He sends people to the moon.
Yeah, and I'm Flash Gordon.
What, are you crazy?
You got those beers?
All right, buddy, come on. You're going downtown.
Listen, I'm not your buddy, and I don't speak Spanish.
Really? That's what they all say.
Yeah, because I said cerveza and po r favor?
Everybody says por favor.
How about vaya con dios?
Oh, Paula,
I don't have the same shoes.
Oh, honey,
they're always sending mismatches.
Uh, where are the falsies?
They're in the box over there on the chair.
Here, just stick this in your heel.
That ought to do it,
and don't worry,
after all, modeling is nothing more
but organized walking.
Hey, you're on.
Come on.
Oh...
I'm...I'm terribly sorry.
How much is this, please?
$185.
185?
Miss! Miss!
How much is this dress?
It's a nightgown.
I don't know anyway, though. I'm sorry.
You don't know? What a klutz.
Who is she?
Some friend of the fashion coordinator's.
Hello, Jane.
Oh, my God, Dick, what have you done?
A guy by the name of Jim Weeks
is coming to lunch.
He wants to talk to me about a job.
Where did you get the money?
I've got friends.
We'll tell him you're on a diet.
Well, why don't we tell him you're on a diet?
This is not fun, Jane.
This is serious.
Do you really think he's going to offer you a job?
As long as he thinks I don't need one.
I know those bastards.
Yech.
Yeah, that's funny.
That's funny.
What are you going to do?
Okay, what is it?
An Eskimo peeing.
An Eskimo peeing!
Oh, Jane, it's absolutely lovely.
I just wished you could have joined us,
that's all.
Oh, is that funny.
Honey, could we have some coffee
in the living room?
Certainly.
Shall we repair, Jim?
Oh, I think that's a hell of an idea.
That's very funny.
Make yourself comfortable.
Thank you, Dick. Thank you.
You know, I love your house.
It's solid. It's a real home.
Not much.
Thank you, Jim. We like it.
Thank you.
It does tend to grow a little confining,
you know?
Oh, I do, I do.
Look, Dick,
I'm not going to beat around the bush with you.
We like you.
We like your style.
Thank you, Jim.
We like your mind.
Thank you.
But we can't pay you the money you've been getting at Taft...
I mean, not in straight salary, that is.
30 thou.
That's our top.
30, eh?
Gee, I don't know, Jim, uh...
Well, if you play ball with us,
why, I tell you,
the sky is the limit.
It's attractive, Jim, it's damn attractive,
but I've got several irons in the fire now,
and I'd like to think about it.
Oh, sure, sure, think about it.
Thank you, Jane.
I'm not trying to rush you. I wouldn't even dream of it.
I like to consider the complete picture.
Sure, sure,
consider the complete picture,
but printed circuits, not rocket ships, Dick.
Collecting and storing information
right here on Mother Earth,
that's the future,
and any man
with a thought about industry
in 10 years' time,
any man thinking about tomorrow,
will say goodbye to aerospace today.
What are you doing, Jane?
I'm just closing the shutters, Dick.
Why don't you take Mr. Weeks out
to see the backyard?
Backyard?
Open up the door, Mrs. Harper,
or we're going to huff and we're going to puff
and we're going to blow your house down.
We want the indoor plants, deadbeat.
Plants ain't free
just because they grow on trees,
deadbeat.
I know you're in there, deadbeat.
Excuse me, Jim.
You can't buy a rubber plant
with a rubber check, Harper.
I know you're in there, deadbeat.
Hey, what the hell's going on here?
We've come for our plants, deadbeat.
I'm having a meeting.
You can't come in here now.
I can't?
Okay, Tippy.
Excuse me.
"Jane," she asked,
"Would you care for a cognac"?
"Yes, thank you very much.
I'd like one desperately."
Watch it, lady.
Hey, Igo,
could you do something about that tree?
Yes, sir.
Afternoon, Harper.
Hello, Nesbit.
You know, uh...
the wind's been kicking up your yard
and blowing it into our windows.
I'm going to seed it.
You're having a garage sale?
Uh, yeah, odds and ends.
Declassé, Harper, très declassé.
I mean, it brings all the riffraff
in the neighborhood.
You know what I mean.
Hey, man,
the opera's coming to town next Tuesday.
So what?
So 40 bucks a night, man, cash.
Can you sing?
Hell, no.
All you've got to do is stand around
while the rest of them sing.
Sometimes you carry a spear,
other times, you hold the elephant.
It's real easy, man.
Excuse me, Nesbit.
Private matter to discuss.
What about unemployment?
We don't tell them, man.
Suppose they find out?
Hey, how are they going to find out?
They pay us in cash, Jim.
There's no papers, nothing.
No way they'll find out.
You mean I'm going to be a welfare chiseler?
Hey, hey, hey, look, man,
a welfare chiseler
is just some bum who doesn't want to work.
We want to work, don't we?
Yeah, but the rules say
you can't work and collect unemployment.
You can't always go by the rules, man.
There are times when you have to run some heavy numbers.
"When in the course of human events,"
you know what I mean?
And how about those guys
like Rockefeller and Dupont?
Do you think they let a few crummy rules
stand in their way?
That's the whole enchilada
that made this country great, man.
I never thought of it like that.
Well, you'd better start thinking
about these things, man.
I ain't no deadbeat welfare chiseler,
and neither are you.
I'm sorry.
That's okay, man.
Cool it.
Cool it, cool it.
Cool it. That's enough.
So you didn't work last week, Mr. Harper?
That's right.
That's funny.
I caught your gypsy act the other night.
Divine.
Too bad I won't see you for three years.
No unemployment for three years.
I can't believe it.
Hey, you've got to look on the positive side.
They could have sent you to jail.
Unemployment's the only thing we had.
What am I going to tell Jane?
I wouldn't tell her.
Hello, dear.
Hi, Mom.
Oh, we're just fine.
It is so nice to see you.
Oh, how thoughtful.
Well, your father's waiting to see you.
Hi, Dad.
Jane brought us some flowers, dear.
Hello, Jane.
Would you like a cup of tea, dear?
Oh, no thanks, Mom.
Over here.
I discussed your phone call with your mother yesterday
after I hung up.
"What does she want to see us about?"
Didn't I say that, Mother?
Yes.
Something you couldn't discuss
over the phone, you said.
Yes, that's right, Dad.
Well, I narrowed it down to three possibilities...
health, emotion, or money.
Let's take health.
Is there someone ill?
Oh...
No. I ruled that out myself,
because I distinctly remember asking about everyone's health,
and your answer was positive without hesitation...
which brings us to emotion...
at your age, a euphemism for "divorce."
Well, you never came to see us
to talk about marrying him,
so why should you come
to talk about divorcing him?
No, a divorce can be handled
in a phone call, so...
it's money.
You're broke.
That's it, isn't it?
Whoever said Sherlock Holmes was dead,
eh, Mom?
I was right, Mother.
They're broke.
Dick hasn't had a job in over three months, Dad.
Why didn't you tell us before, dear?
Well, we were sure he could get another job, Mom,
and we didn't want to worry you.
I unloaded all of my aerospace stock
the day they first landed on the moon.
I knew that was the peak, and I was right.
It's a depressed industry.
Depressed and depressing.
I was right
about the aerospace stocks, Mother.
You certainly were.
Jane...
I'll make it easier for you.
You've come here to borrow money, haven't you?
Yes, Dad.
Oh.
Well, I'd love to help you,
I really would,
but I can't.
I'm just opposed to borrowing or lending
on principle.
Self-reliance,
it's like a...
religious thing to me.
Ralph Waldo Emerson,
he is like my God.
"Need breaks iron." That's what he said.
Well, it certainly broke us, Dad.
I told Mother for years
that both of you have been living
far beyond your means.
Nothing, just nothing at all
set aside for a rainy day.
All right...
it's the monsoon season,
you're standing outside in torn raincoats.
Come through this by yourselves,
and you'll be dry for the rest of your lives.
Take money from me, and you'll be wet, soaking wet,
from now on.
Jane, this is the best thing that could have happened,
especially for Dick.
I'm so happy for both of you, especially for Dick.
What about Billy?
Well, when I was his age,
I remember Mr. Nostic gave me...
Dad?
My first paper route.
Dad! I've heard that story already.
Dad, Billy is doing his homework by candlelight.
Splendid. So did Abraham Lincoln.
How are you both doing?
Mmm...
never better.
Jane, we have sowed all of our lives,
and we're now reaping the harvest.
Reap, reap, reap.
I seem to feel a monsoon dripping in.
It was nice to see you again, Dad.
Bye, Mom.
Goodbye, dear.
You tell Dick that he's a lucky man.
Not everybody gets a real chance to be tested.
You tell him that I'm jealous.
I'm sure he'll be really thrilled, Dad.
Don't forget to tell him that I'm jealous too.
So long.
Bye-bye.
Mm-mm.
Mmm.
Oh.
Oh-oh.
Ha ha ha ha.
Mm-mm.
Ah.
Mister, you've got problems.
Why do you think we're here?
I know why you're here.
You got guts. I'll give you that.
Your ad says that
if you've been turned down elsewhere...
It didn't say if you were turned down everywhere.
This is the first place we've been.
Lucky us.
Hey, listen, you know,
I mean, there's lots of places we can go for abuse.
Come on, Dick.
Did I say I wasn't going to give you money?
Did I say that? Sit down.
Let's look at the pluses and minuses.
There are a couple.
We'll start with the minuses.
You two are in hock up to your eyes,
you have nothing serious for collateral,
you're behind on both your mortgages,
so we're going to be third in line
behind the bank.
And your car is paid for,
but that car and a dime would get you a cup of coffee.
That's a perfectly good late-model car
worth at least a thousand dollars.
You also have some jewelry, might be worth a few bucks.
That car's worth at least nine hundred.
I haven't come to the pluses.
Will you wait for me to come to the pluses?
Okay.
On the plus side,
you, Mrs. Harper, are actually working.
Yes. Getting paid bupkis, but you're working,
it's regular,
and you...
you could get another job.
Who knows?
They might find a cure for cancer, right?
Will you get to the bottom line?
The bottom line is that I love people,
so I'm going to let you have...
$1,000 for one year at 18 and a half compounded.
A thousand dollars?
18 and a half? That's against the law.
Take it or leave it.
We'll take it! We'll leave it!
We'll leave it. We'll take it!
Seven...eight...nine...1,000.
Thank you.
All right, this is a holdup.
If nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.
Everybody lie down. Hands over your heads.
You said nobody should move.
Shut up.
I wouldn't do anything to offend you.
I told you to lie down and shut up.
Come on, man.
I just borrowed this.
Well, now you're loaning it.
Borrow it from him.
This is legally yours.
I'm paying it back.
What's the interest on two minutes?
You already signed the papers.
Shut up.
Can't we just clear this up?
Who are you stealing this from?
Shut up.
What was that?
Uh, it...it was me. My gun went off.
Christ, that'll bring all the heat in the world.
Did you get the money?
Yeah.
Get the broad.
Let...let... let's get out of here.
Come on, lady, up on your feet.
You're coming with us. Hey, hold it.
Where the hell are they?
They went out the back,
and they've got a woman with them.
Come on! Get up!
Hold it. Police.
Get up!
Wait, man.
Are you sure you're all right?
You don't want to go to the hospital?
I'm all right. Jane, are you?
I'd just like to go home.
Well, you're free to go.
You sure were cool under fire, ma'am.
Oh, I'll faint at home, thanks.
Oh, sorry.
Uh, Mr. Harper...
uh, how much did you tell them that you lost?
A thousand dollars. What do you mean?
You couldn't tell them 2,000?
The insurance company would have paid,
and I would have split the extra grand with you.
Schmuck.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Billy, are you going to play outside for a while?
Yeah.
Hi, Bill.
Hi.
Are you feeling all right?
Come in and close the door.
Lock it.
They dropped it and I fell on it,
and while the police were chasing them,
I put it in my bag.
Oh, my God!
I don't know what happened to me.
I just did it.
There's $2,000 here.
I can't believe I did it.
Ha ha ha. Neither can I.
Dick, it's not funny. I've committed a crime.
And done a hell of a job at it.
Oh...
I don't know why I didn't give it back.
Do you know it never even occurred to me
to give it back?
You are sensational.
Oh, stop it, Dick.
Would you turn on the faucet?
I'm going to give it back.
To who, the robbers?
The money belongs to the loan...
They have insurance, don't they?
Exactly.
Yeah, but suppose they catch those guys.
I mean, they saw me take it.
They're never going to catch them,
and besides, even if they finger you,
who's going to believe them?
That's right. The cops are never going to believe them.
They're going to just think that they spent it all.
I can't believe we're talking like this.
Dick...
we've always done things the straight way.
Yeah, well,
I'm tired of belonging to a minority group.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going to keep it.
Good.
I'm going to keep it.
That's still good.
Hey, do you think it would be awful
if we had a little celebration?
You mean eat something besides Hamburger Helper?
Mm-hm. A little red wine.
How about a little champagne?
Love you.
I love you.
Oh, my God, the lights.
We got our lights back. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I propose a toast.
Down with candles.
Down with imitation mayonnaise.
Down with Hamburger Helper.
Up the Harpers. Mmm.
Here's looking at you, Spot.
Wow.
Will you get that, honey?
Sure.
Yes?
Is this the residence of Mr. Richard Harper?
Yes, I'm Mrs. Harper.
You've applied for the food stamp program?
That's right.
My name is Johnson.
I'm the Income Maintenance Technician.
The what?
I've come for the inspection.
Uh...tonight?
Do you want to see my credentials, lady?
No. No.
Please come in.
* Bump dah dah dee Dum dah dah *
Tah-dah!
Darling, this is Mr. Johnson...
the Income Maintenance Mechanic.
Technician.
The food stamps fellow.
Oh. Ooh. Ah.
Have you eaten, Mr. Johnson?
Yes, I had a Big Mac and a small fries.
You don't understand...
Don't I?
Would you like some champagne?
And I also had a Coke.
The truth is that
we just ripped off a loan company,
and this is the last of our proceeds.
I see, yes.
You want to see if we have any cooking facilities,
right?
Yes, yes, that's the first thing.
This way.
You don't have any assets other than what's here?
That's it.
You sure messed up real good.
We sure did.
Never mind the editorials. Are we eligible or not?
According to the rules, you're eligible.
Thank you.
Now, don't thank me. It's people like you
who give this program a bad name,
screw it up for others who really need it.
I don't think that's fair.
Oh, Jane, the old rich
are always sticking it to the new rich.
I guess the old poor have to stick it to the nouveau poor.
We, in this case, are the nouveau poor.
Besides, we really need it.
No one living in this house or in this neighborhood
really needs it.
Oh, really?
You think we should sell this house
and move to a slum where we belong?
We should sell the house
before the bank sells it for us,
which is going to be next week.
You can just forget it,
because we're keeping this house.
And how are we going to make the payments?
We'll make the payments.
With what are we going to make the payments?
You have accepted our current problems
as permanent. They are not.
This is only a temporary condition.
You still haven't told me
how we're going to make the payments.
The middle class
is the backbone of this country.
We've got to survive.
If we go under,
the whole country can go under,
and in these, our bicentennial years,
my contribution is not going to be
the destruction of the American middle class.
I don't know what you're...
Billy, would you entertain our guest, please?
Are you telling me
that we have nothing to worry about?
You have nothing to worry about.
I'll speak to the bank manager tomorrow.
I spoke to them today, and he said, "Madam,
"you are no longer banking with us,
we're banking with you."
Oh-ho. Very funny.
Will you leave it to me? We'll make the payment.
With what?
We'll make the payment.
This is a stickup. Stick 'em up.
Stick 'em up.
This is a stickup.
Stick 'em up.
Ow!
Are you kidding?
God, are you crazy?
Don't come in this room when I have a gun in my hand.
You'll get your goddamn head blown off.
Will you take that ridiculous thing off your face?
I can't hear a word you're saying.
Never sneak up on a man holding a gun.
You can get killed.
What are you doing with a gun?
Never mind.
I know what you're going to do with the gun.
Yeah, well, you're right about that,
and now, as long as you're here,
you can give me the keys to the car.
Don't you think this has gone far enough?
You're not going to stop me.
I'm going to get that money.
Do you think getting arrested
is going to help us get the money?
You don't think I can do it, do you?
I'm a washout. I'm a loser.
Not even capable of holding up a goddamn grocery store.
Any idiot can hold up a grocery store.
Thank you.
You're really determined to do this, aren't you?
That's right.
Is that what you're going to wear?
Yeah. What do you think?
I think you look like the Easter Bunny Bandit.
I had to ask.
I mean, you might as well wear a sign
that says "arrest me."
Okay, smart-ass, what do you think I should wear?
Well, why don't you wear something
a little more inconspicuous,
like, say, uh... the Batman costume.
How's this?
It's fine.
Okay, baby, I'm off.
Uh, Dick? Yeah?
Don't you think we've forgotten something?
Oh, the iron, right.
Dick, don't you think
that gun is going to attract
a little attention
sticking out of your belt like that?
I was going to wear a jacket.
Don't worry.
I have to worry. I was a psych major.
You know what Freud said.
Criminals, they leave clues.
They have a compulsion to confess.
I have a compulsion to pay the mortgage.
Did Freud ever write about that?
No, so there, that takes care of Freud.
Hello, Mr. Harper.
Hello, Carol.
Jane, what is Carol doing here?
Carol's here because I'm going with you
to your business meeting tonight.
You are not. You're staying here.
I'm going alone.
Oh, on the contrary, darling...
I wouldn't want to miss one of your business meetings
for anything in the world.
You never know what might happen.
Sweetie, don't forget to go to bed at 9:30, okay?
Don't worry, Mrs. Harper.
On your feet, Carol, I'm taking you home.
Sit down, Carol. On your feet, Carol.
Sit down. Carol...
Stay. Okay, stay.
Both of you. All of you.
Good night. Have a good time.
Billy!
Billy, you know what the vet said
about Spot sitting so close to the television set.
All right, Jane, you can come...
as long as you promise to do exactly what I tell you.
I promise.
You drive.
What happened?
I think I ruptured myself.
You realize if that thing goes off,
you're going to be going on this robbery
half-cocked, don't you?
Ho, ho, ho, ho, very funny.
Just drive, damnit!
How did you happen to pick Monrovia?
I wanted an area far enough away from us.
Any objections?
Oh, no.
I can't believe it.
I am curious about one thing though.
I knew it.
How were you planning to get to the scene of the crime
if I hadn't come home?
Cab?
I was going to steal a car.
Oh, Dick, that I would like to see.
Yeah, well, we'll be using
what is known as the two-car method.
Really?
You park your regular car,
steal a car for the actual robbery,
returning later to pick up your regular car.
Dick...Richard... you can't steal a car.
Put a man on the moon, I think I can steal a car.
Will you stop that whistling?
There's something wrong with this car.
It just won't start.
Why don't you kick it?
That's right, Jane... just keep riding me.
That's a big help.
If I could just find an old Hudson,
there wouldn't be any problem.
Why don't you try this car?
What?
Why don't you give this one a shot?
I don't know anything about foreign cars.
Oh, I think you can handle this one, Dick.
The keys are in it.
You...
"D" is for "drive," dear.
What do you think?
It's too big, it's too bright,
it's crowded.
It's ridiculous.
What are all these people doing,
out shopping in the middle of the night?
They ought to be home in bed.
Okay, this is it, as they say.
No, Dick. Let's go home before it's too late.
Goddamn it, Jane...
We're not cut out for this.
I told you I was going to, and I mean it.
Oh, sweetie, we'll get the money.
It's not the money.
It's the principle of the thing.
Principle?
What principle in robbing a drugstore?
It's the money. That's the principle.
That's the principle of the thing.
Uh-uh-uh...
You wouldn't understand. Now don't interfere.
You stay right here.
I'm going in alone,
and I don't want any crap about it.
Kind of a light door.
Yes?
Yes, uh...
Uh...
May I help you, sir?
May you help me?
Uh, yeah.
Uh...
Don't you worry, son.
I think I've got what you're looking for.
Yeah.
Now, here they are, right here.
Some of these are lubricated.
Now, this isn't lubricated, but it's a good one.
And some of these are contoured for better fit.
We've got them in different colors.
We've got cherry red, and we've got midnight blue...
And we've got the rainbow.
I'll take them all.
All?
Yeah. Yeah.
And wrap them up.
Uh...
that'll be...
uh, $8.50.
I wish I was as young as you are.
You don't understand.
What do you mean I don't understand?
I'm not that old.
There you are.
Now can we go home?
I came out here to do something and I'm going to do it.
Well, this evening
could turn out to be quite expensive,
what with gas and...
sundry items.
Did you ever hear of a delicatessen
that wouldn't take cash after 10:00?
Not a nickel in the register.
You got somebody to open the register?
That's right, Jane.
Was she very old or just crippled and blind?
For your information,
she was quite able...
Ah.
Nobody move. This is a stickup.
Just hold it right there. Nobody move.
When did they start
bussing white robbers into the black neighborhoods?
What happened?
No bullets. Thanks a lot.
You had to talk me into carrying an empty gun,
my own wife.
I could have gotten killed in there.
Oh, please, tell me what happened.
Nothing happened.
Except I almost got killed thanks to you.
I knew I shouldn't have brought you.
You would have been busted in the parking lot
if you hadn't brought me along.
How can anybody do anything
with this kind of defeatist talk?
Okay.
Maybe there's an orphanage around here.
They usually deal in cash...
Just shut up, Jane.
What do you think you're doing?
Sitting in a stolen car makes me nervous.
I'm going with you where it's safe.
Get back in the car. No.
I said, get back in the car.
Right, you said get back in the car,
and then I said "no."
I'm going in there,
and you'd better stay right here.
Do you have to louse everything up?
You messed up this whole evening.
First, it was the pantyhose,
then you insisted...
You still want pantyhose?
You want pantyhose?
Will you put your pants on,
for God's sake?
This is a respectable X-rated motel.
I'm warning you.
That bitch, I could kill her.
Whatever turns you on, man,
but you pay for anything you break.
I don't want any shit,
or I'll blow your head off.
Take whatever you want.
Turn around and put your hands against the wall.
Just cool it with that gun, okay?
Oh, Jesus!
Oh, my God!
I forgot to go to the bank today.
Harley's going to kill me. He's going to skin my ass.
You got something to put this in?
There's a box on the top shelf.
Who's Harley?
The owner. A mean mother.
Is he really going to hurt you?
Oh, Dick, he's really going to hurt him.
Maybe we shouldn't take it.
What, are you crazy?
You stay right there...
don't move, don't take a leak, nothing.
I'm sorry.
Come on, will you?
Goodbye.
They're going to call us the "Bickering Bandits."
That'll be our M.O.
Right. Sure.
Right. What?
M.O. That's Modus Operandi.
That's the method of operation, you know?
Now, wait a minute, Dick.
We're not having any modus operandi.
No modus operandi?
Tonight was it, right?
Halloween comes but once a year.
Oh, sure.
Take that one.
What...what is it?
No. That was too casual.
What was too casual?
You've got to promise me.
Mm.
You promise me?
Mm, what? Promise you?
Boy, do I promise you.
You promise?
Completely. Okay.
Hi. Hi.
Can I help you, sir?
There's something the matter with this record.
Oh, what's that?
There's a gun in it. This is a holdup.
Now, do exactly as I tell you,
and no one will get hurt.
Sounds fair to me.
Just keep looking at me and smiling and nodding.
Do you have any Bessie Smith records?
Uh...uh... Bessie Smith?
Yeah, she's an old blues singer.
Oh, uh...yes, sir, yes, sir. I believe we do, sir.
Do you like that old jazz?
Well I...I...I...
I like the more modern...
uh...kind of stuff.
You know, progressive...
uh... Mm...mm...iles, and...
you know, a few people like this...
Sedaka, he's good.
The lady will be leaving in just a moment,
and you'll say to her
"Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones."
Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones. Okay.
A nice smile.
Go. Go.
Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones.
Think nothing of it.
That was very nice.
I liked the smile.
Uh, I'll be leaving now.
And you say, "I'll try and get the Bessie Smith record for you
next week, Mr. Jones."
Now!
Well, I'll I'll try and get the Bessie Jones record
for you next week, Mr. Smith.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah. $4.98... uh, tax and license.
How was the food?
That bad, huh?
Oh, baby!
Oh, baby.
Oh. God.
Dick, I'm ruined for life.
I want to know the name
of the pervert who shot off my phone.
In spite of what you think,
we do not get our kicks cutting off telephones.
I tell you, I never got a bill.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Who do you think you are?
You'll have to wait in line like everyone else.
I'm sorry, excuse me,
but I'm afraid this is what they call a stickup.
Hey, they're holding up
the telephone company!
Shoot out the computers while you're at it.
God bless you. Give them a hand.
Beautiful. Beautiful.
He's had several offers,
but because of his investments,
he doesn't have to rush into anything.
He's looking for
a very dynamic situation in a company like yours, Jason.
Are you familiar with the film business?
Hey, how about a drink, huh?
Come on.
Gracias...
amigo.
Oh, you're welcome.
Adios!
You've got to go down there.
You really owe it to yourself.
May I borrow my husband for a moment?
Be my guest, Jane.
Dick...
Really, Jane, I was making some progress.
That's the condominium king.
You're an aerospace executive, not a real estate salesman.
Right now I'm feeling pretty flexible.
Oh, Raoul...
Oh, no, no, that's okay.
Enjoy yourself. Let me do it.
Mum's the word, eh, Raoul?
This is something else.
Did you find buried treasure?
Living off my investments, Nesbit.
Ah, Dick. Put her there, pal.
Glad you could make it.
Hello, Mildred.
Ole, Ricardo.
Oh, we wouldn't have missed this for the world.
I love your small pool, Jane.
It's so cozy.
Oh, thank you, Mildred.
I see you landed on your feet.
Actually, Charlie, I landed on my ass,
and then when I fell off of my ass,
I had no place to go but my feet.
What line are you in?
Robber.
As in tires and erasers.
Oh, that's a good field.
Do you make it or sell it?
Steal it.
Like stealing candy from a baby.
He is so modest.
Steel...hey, there's a solid industry.
I thought he said rubber?
Actually, Jane's working now too.
What are you doing?
Adios!
Investments. Investments.
She's in charge of salting it away.
Got the guts of a bandit.
Maybe you could help me.
I have to go to Washington next week,
but I'll give you, uh...
a little call when I get back.
That could be 15 years to life.
I'm just going to talk to a Congressional committee.
They think Charlie's
been paying off some people besides them.
Larry Maguire!
That's not Larry.
Oh! Taquito?
Thank you.
Bueno.
Oh, is it burning you, Mildred?
Oh, that's too bad.
Would you like some wine?
I'll get some water.
Tequila, please.
And now, once again,
bringing you salvation and success,
righteousness and riches,
the Reverend Dr. Thomas Will.
You know, we've all heard the expression,
"The meek shall inherit the earth."
Well, that's exactly what they're going to get.
Dirt.
We all have to learn how to be positive.
You see, I...I don't want you to say "amen."
I want you to say "I am."
I am!
You have to remember that God is in you
and in you and in you and in you and in me.
Now, if you open up your heart and you let God inside,
he will make you rich.
I am!
Let me remind you that the cross is a plus sign.
Now, I want you all to repeat after me.
Money loves me.
Money loves to be in my pocket.
I see a whole mountain of money coming towards me.
I see a mountain of money
coming towards me.
Now, I want you all
to donate generously to the ministry today,
and remember that every dollar you give,
God will pay you back tenfold
in some wondrous and mysterious and exciting way...
a car, a boat, a plane, a home.
Just one other couple, Dr. Will.
Yea, I say unto you, bring them in.
They're here to win.
Have a seat, young lady.
Inspirational sermon, doctor.
Thank you, thank you.
Yes, particularly the part
about not feeling guilty about prospering.
Ah-ha.
Well, you see, that is called "say I am."
If you want more money,
you must get an expanded idea of yourself.
You must think of yourself as one who has more money.
We're trying, doctor.
Well, go ahead, touch it, son.
Don't be afraid. Go on.
Go ahead, dear, touch it.
Go on.
That's it, touch it some more.
You see, you must take the limit
off your financial thinking,
and you will get more money.
Don't worry about how.
Inspirational.
Say "I am."
Stick 'em up.
Did I hear you right, sinner?
You holding me up?
I am.
Hands on your head, both of you.
Move!
Will you get out of the way?
God wants you out of the way.
Guards!
Stop them, for they have sinned.
Would you mind getting the hell off the car?
Testing. Testing.
Oh, Jesus!
Are you all right?
Yeah, I think so.
Pull over, you sinners.
They are thieves. Stop them.
They have stolen all my... the Lord's money.
Oh, no!
Oh, God!
If you'll pull over at the next traffic light,
God will forgive you.
He is no stool pigeon.
Oh, my God!
God does not hold a grudge. Remember, thou shalt not steal.
They're coming closer to us, Dick.
That is the fourth...
it's...that's one of them Commandments.
Now, give me back my goddamn money, will you?
Come on, step on it.
Can't you get some more juice out of this goddamn thing?
Watch out! Jesus Christ!
You almost broke my ass, you fool.
Oh, a cop!
That is my money!
How much did we get?
Not very much. It's mostly ones.
Mostly ones?
Hey, where's the other money?
What other money?
All the other money, that's what other money.
In the shrubbery.
In the shrubbery?
In the pool.
In the swimming pool?
It's in the utilities, it's in the car,
in the furniture, it's in the mortgage,
it's in the insurance.
It's at the Diner's Club...
Well, it's not worth it.
I'm not cut out for blue-collar crime.
I have a white-collar mentality. I panic in the face of death.
Maybe we should retire.
Are all our debts paid?
Yes.
Well, at least we won't starve.
We've just been accepted by the food stamp program.
Hurray.
Charlie?
Where?
Mr. Blanchard,
I would like you to tell this committee
if you have ever
in your position as President of Taft,
bribed anyone, either here or abroad,
for the purpose
of consummating a business deal.
Senator, no one at Taft Aerospace,
to the best of my knowledge, ever bribed anybody.
Ooh.
Maybe that's why business is so bad.
Look at him. Listen to him shovel it.
There's never been a deal made at Taft
what with somebody didn't get paid off somewhere.
We have already elicited testimony
from other companies
involved in the same business as yours,
and they claim that pay-offs are an integral part
of their carrying on their business.
Do you mean to tell me that you are the exception?
You know, guys walk into his office
and walk out again
with $200,000 cash in a briefcase.
$200,000?
Watch him. Watch him bob and weave.
Senator,
now, we at Taft Aerospace have always prided ourselves
in truth, on what we produce.
Charlie does his laundry.
Any idea where he keeps it?
Yeah, in the safe in his office.
Fortunately, there are guards everywhere,
and I don't even have a key
to the executive washroom anymore.
Unfortunately, we've been invited
to a party at Taft next week.
Fortunately, we don't know
the first thing about safe cracking.
Unfortunately, we are fast learners.
Short retirement.
Very.
I felt it.
Oh, positive?
Of course I'm positive.
Honey, it's got to be perfect.
I've been practicing for days.
You've almost got it. Come on.
You ready?
Deft. Deft. And deft.
Okay, you should tell me
when you want me to do it.
Whenever you're ready.
Well, it's just like old times.
Mmmm.
I hope you brought the old equalizer.
Will you cut it out?
Hi, Pete, how are you?
Who is it?
Pete Winston. Wife Betty. Superbowl. Back operation.
Really good to see you. How are you?
Great. Just great.
You know my wife, Jane, don't you?
I don't know if she'll remember me at all.
Winston, how can you say that?
We met you and Betty
at the Superbowl last winter.
How's your back?
How nice of you to remember.
Is Betty here?
Yes, she's in the back.
Oh, I'll be glad to see her again.
There you are.
Charlie.
What I want to know is
do I get to kiss your wife, or do I have to make a scene?
Do we know this man?
Some guy who still works at the plant.
You betcha. Ohh...
Hi, Charlie.
You know, I don't know
what a good-looking guy like Dick
sees in you.
I do yard work.
You can work in my yard anytime.
Oh, oh, Charlie.
You want to dance, Charlie?
I'd love to.
Very nice.
What? I said, very nice.
Perfect.
Charlie, no!
No? I won't take no for an answer.
I'll be waiting.
Show-off.
Come on.
Dick, Charlie's going to come to his office
at 11:00.
We've got to hurry. All right.
Will you get out of the way?
Hey, you, don't move.
Ta-ta-ta.
Take that, you honky putz.
Oh, my God! What?
Come on, will you?
Come on.
These are all make-believe.
Dick? What?
Does he have a closet,
because I read in the book
that the most popular place for safes
are in the closet.
He does indeed have a closet.
I love you, Jane.
Huh?
Tah-dah! Thanks.
Mosler model number 1874.
Mosler...okay.
There.
Right there is where you have to drill.
Dick, it's okay.
You can hardly hear the drilling out here.
Dick, somebody's coming.
In the closet.
Is it the guard?
I don't know. I couldn't see.
It can't be Charlie. It's only 10:15.
Let me look.
Shh.
I can't see anything.
Maybe he won't look in here.
Well, suppose he does?
Screw him.
I most certainly will not.
That wasn't Charlie.
Really?
Come on in.
Hey, everybody, come on in.
Hey, my man, what's happening?
Jane!
They're never going to hear the drill over this.
I'm going back to work.
If somebody looks like he's coming in,
just let me know.
Ah, Jane. It's your turn.
It's all the money in the world.
Oh, it gives me goose flesh.
Oh, my God!
Floor show. Floor show.
Aw, come on.
Knock it off, man. We're talking business.
I need more.
Just a second.
It feels so good.
Oh, that's what I've been looking for.
Thank you very much.
Hey, guys, listen, have a good time tonight.
Enjoy yourselves, okay? This is a party.
Okay. To the elevator. Around through the boardroom
and to the left, honey.
Dick followed me up here.
Hey, Charlie.
Dick, boy. Hi.
Going down?
Uh, down, yes.
Lobby, please.
Funny, we're going to the lobby too.
Oh.
Well, I...
I guess we can all ride together.
Dick, I don't feel very well. I think we should go home.
Oh, wait a minute.
Not until you have one drink
with little old Charlie.
No, Charlie. I really think I'm going to faint.
Oh, here, let me take your purse.
One little nightcap.
Nobility.
Pride.
A sense of feeling
that your life amounts to something.
That's what we lost when we lost the space program.
Sir?
Nobil... Nobil... What?
May I have a word with you in private, please?
Right now? Yes, sir.
Hey, listen, listen, don't go away.
I'll be right back.
Let's go.
Where? Where are we going?
We were just going to walk right out of here?
We were. We were.
There's nothing to worry about.
Charlie wouldn't dare call the cops.
This money doesn't exist. Don't you understand?
What about all these security guards?
Do they exist or don't they?
Wait a minute.
Dick, we've got to call the cops.
Are you crazy?
No, no, I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding.
Charlie is never going to admit
that there's an actual slush fund.
If he sees cops all around here,
he's going to make sure
that we got out of here safely...
with the money.
You're very smart, Jane.
Have you got a dime?
A dime? Yeah.
No. You?
Find someone with change of a thousand dollars,
for Christ's sake.
Jane, uh, feeling better?
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
Dick, there's something
I've been meaning to ask you all night.
Shoot.
What's in the bag?
Your, uh, your makeup?
Charlie, Charlie.
Charlie, can I level with you?
Sure.
I mean really level with you.
You can tell me anything.
We just cleaned out your safe.
Every last buck.
Oh, did you, now?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said it straight out like that,
but I'm just sick of all the bullshit,
you know what I mean?
How do you two propose to get out of here?
Oh, with your help, Charlie.
My help?
Do you see that big dude over there?
He can shoot the eye out of a hummingbird at 50 paces.
Whooph!
Charlie, we just called the cops.
Huh?
Ahem.
We're going to give ourselves up.
This is no joke, friends.
We're going to make a clean breast of it.
Don't be stupid.
You keep your mouth shut,
and I'll see that you get out of here.
With the money?
You son of a bitch.
Officers. Ha.
I'm Charles Blanchard.
I'm the President of Taft Aerospace.
Maybe I can be of help.
My dear, you have just seen a demonstration
of what we in the corporate world
refer to as "hardballing it with the big guys."
I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Would you be embarrassed
if I kissed you in a public place?
I'd be embarrassed
if you kissed me in a private place
with all these people around.
I'm afraid, officer,
that you've been the victim of a drunken prankster,
but if you'd excuse me for just a minute,
this young lady isn't feeling very well.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, if I could just
get these two folks out of here,
I'd feel a lot better.
Then we can talk about that ridiculous story
about my safe.
Jane?
Come... come along, Jane.
Come along.
Jane?
* Wise men say all things go too fast *
* And babies don't last
* They grow up as soon as they get the chance *
* Let's face it
* A whole new way of behavin' *
* With brand-new rules to break *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Can you remember when gettin' up was easy? *
* No sweat
* And we could exist on wax and gum completely *
* The things we used to think were crazy *
* Now they seem so very sane *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Love hit us right between the eyes *
* It wasn't fair
* We never had a chance
* Sometimes you have to sit right back *
* And laugh
* It goes so fast
* As sure as there's a Sunday morning, baby *
* We're going to get our piece of the cake *
* Wah-hoo!
* How time flies
* We were once ahead of the game *
* Wah-hoo!